10 Things I Hate About Motherhood: Exchanging the world’s perfection for God’s peace and presence

The tears streamed down my face. My racing heart began to slow back down. I took a few deep breaths and without giving my exhaustion or pain another thought, stretched out my arms. 

Reaching for the next chapter of my life. Reaching for my new baby. 

April 18th, 2018. The day I became a mother. I remember it like it was yesterday. The first time I heard him cry. The first look at his sweet face as he began to nurse. His daddy’s proud smile and attention while they gave him his first bath. The pure bliss and perfection that surrounded us in that hospital room. It was as if life was standing still for us and we were swimming in a pool of love that we had never felt before. 

The chaos of the night before, gone from my memory. My water had broken unexpectedly (after eating a gigantic plate of lasagna oddly enough), and while I was emptying out the water on the toilet, my husband was frantically trying to pack hospital bags that were still empty. “Don’t forget toothbrushes and my glasses!” I hollered at him. I felt excitement, nervousness, anxiety, hope, and joy all at the same time. We are truly about to become parents. Wow. 

And as I held my new baby in my arms and Cody announced to the nurse that his name was Leroy Kenneth Huber, I almost couldn’t believe it. It felt like my heart was literally outside of my body. A love so deep and carnal that it almost scared me. Yes, Leroy Kenneth was a gift from above. He was perfect in every way. Ten little toes and ten little fingers. A head full of hair and a future brighter than the shine in his eyes. Honestly, it felt as if I had lived my whole life just waiting for this. A baby to love. A family to call my own. And if I could have stayed in that moment forever, I would have. But God had more for us. And He has more for you too. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

The words I dreamed about saying to my husband. To my parents. To my friends and family. The words that I believed would bring about the most purpose, fulfillment and joy in my life. It felt like more of a need than a want, to become a mother. As if my “real” life couldn’t begin until this next stage happened. As if by becoming a mom and moving into a new season…I could finally let go of the old one. As if all of my struggles, insecurities, and issues could be solved by focusing on this new role of taking care of another. 

Yes, I was a woman who couldn’t wait to be a mother. But little did I know…that the lessons and growth and transformation that were to come with that title of “mother” were going to be some of the most painful and heart wrenching moments of my life. I thought I was running away from my insecurities, but instead I found myself looking them square in the face. 

If you picked up this book, you are most likely a mom. In some way, shape or form, you have the sacred title of “mother.” And whether you are a mom in the throes of the newborn stage or you are an empty nester…whether you are a biological mom or an adoptive mom…we share something so incredibly special. We are moms. We are the only species on earth who know what it’s like to change 10+ diapers a day. We are the only women on earth who find ourselves singing “Paw Patrol Paw Patrol, Be There on the Double” at the most random times! We are the only ones on the earth who can both rejoice and mourn (somehow simultaneously) while we watch our babies take their first steps, nail their first free throw, go to their first dance, and graduate from high school…knowing we can’t wait to watch them grow, but also want to keep them near us forever. We have a sisterhood that is meant to be shared, experienced, and prayed over together. We have been charged and appointed to love, raise, and help shape the next generation of people. Pretty much the most important job on the planet (at least that is how it feels). 

When this book was put into my heart shortly after writing my marriage book, my knees gave out. 10 Things I Hate About Motherhood? Really, God? It’s one thing to admit my past resentment and issues with my husband for all the world to see (and praise Jesus for the thousands of you who resonated so deeply with that message)...but it’s a totally other thing to admit that in some place inside of me I have “hated” this job of mom. What kind of crazy and evil person could ever say that, amongst the miscarriages that happen to wonderful couples? Amongst the many, many orphans waiting to be adopted in this world? Amongst the parents who have tragically lost their child and had to lay their bodies in the ground? What kind of person could ever say they “hate” motherhood when others have fought so hard to enter into this sacred and special area of life and experienced unimaginable heartbreak? 

He said “the kind of person who needs healing.” 

This is why I am feeling the fear of writing this book and doing it anyway. This is why I have such a passion and fire in my belly to share my story with you. I have been a broken, wounded, and confused mother who was in need of God’s love and healing. I have been blind-sided by what I thought motherhood would look like and instead be shocked and frustrated that it wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. It has been so much harder than I could have ever imagined. Not because of my kids’ behaviors and quirks, but because of what it revealed about myself and what I needed God to do in my own heart. 

I am burdened to share God’s truth with you concerning your motherhood journey because I don’t want one more mother to be hoodwinked and deceived into thinking that something is inherently wrong with them, when in reality, Christ has made everything right with you! I am determined to inspire mothers everywhere to rise up in their true identity in Christ, as a daughter of the Most High King in order to live out God’s best for them and their family. 

So yes, we honor and respect and grieve with the mothers and fathers and people who have lost children. Who have experienced excruciating pain and loss. And if this is you, my heart goes out to you and I am praying for continued healing and love from God. 

But, we must understand that many, many mothers (including those who fall into the category of child loss) are still moving forward with their children. Who are currently struggling with mom guilt, burn out, shame and are being tormented by demons who are reminding them of their past. This book is for those mothers who need a baptism of Father’s love to remind them of their future. It’s time to receive truth and stop listening to the lies. To parent from a more healed place. From a more whole place. From a place that God has filled to overflowing! It’s time to seek a Heavenly perspective and to pray from a Heavenly place so that it can infiltrate every area of our life and home! 

Motherhood truly is like flying a plane. No matter how excited you are, how much prep work you have completed, or how much data you have collected—the only way to truly experience it is when you are living it. I can guarantee you that the most prepared pilot you’ve ever seen was still awe-struck, humbled, and nervous the very first time he flew into the clouds. And only over time does it become a way of life for him—maybe even second nature. 

Yes, God designed us to be mothers. From conception, to delivery, to our innate caretaking abilities…we were made for this. But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to be messy. That doesn’t mean we won’t have some turbulence along the way. God’s word even says in Titus 2:4 that “These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children.” (NLT)

If you need training in something, it means it’s not natural. There is still more to learn and experience, no matter how well-intentioned you were parented or how prepared you think you are. Because motherhood is a journey…a journey that I have found is full of twists and turns, battles, lessons, and opportunities. A journey that I hope, with time, patience, and care…will become a way of life for me too. 

My job in writing this book is not to come at you as an expert. I don’t have all of the answers, nor do I think I ever will. I am just a mom. But I am a Kingdom mom with lived experience and a story to share. I am a mom with Jesus on my side who has literally taught me so much about being a mother. And He has asked me to share it with you. 

I’m a mom that has cried way too many tears to count, knowing if I have felt this way…someone else out there has too. I’m a mom not ashamed to share my story because it shows the power and love and kindness of a God who doesn’t turn away from our ugly. Some of it will really challenge you. Actually, most of it will challenge you! You may even want to throw this book across the room! Trust me, I wrestled and fought with many of the things I have learned too. But in the end, it has always been for my good and His glory. Some of it will make you laugh and cry. I have no doubt you will relate to many, if not all of these chapters in some capacity and be encouraged that God has wisdom to reveal to you through the pages of this book. 

Maybe, like me, you were a little blind-sided by motherhood. After all, Leroy’s nursery was perfect. Our finances were in order. The support I had around me was top-notch. He was not a surprise to us…we were eagerly anticipating his arrival. I had read the parenting books and even gone to the birthing class. I thought I had done everything I was supposed to do! So when I became an unrecognizable, sleep-deprived crazy person…it caught me a little off guard. When my hormone induced, postpartum anxiety had me shoving my baby at my husband before he even got his boots through the door…the shame was suffocating. When the crying of my toddler sent me over the edge again and a rage bubbled up inside of me…the condemnation wouldn’t let up. 

What is wrong with me? I love my baby with all my heart…why am I reacting in anger to his needs? Why can’t I just get it together? You are a terrible mother. 

I wish I could tell you that this was just the early years of my motherhood journey. But in full transparency, it’s been 7 years of mountain highs and valley lows. Joy unspeakable, love overflowing, and the absolute best memories of my life. And…self hatred, crying on my kitchen floor, asking God for help just one more time. 

Here is what I know to be true. Motherhood is a massive calling. The world would be a whole lot more cold, empty, and sad without us. Mothers make the world go round. After all, we are the ones making the appointments for teeth cleaning and haircuts. We are the ones balancing the school and sports schedules. We are the ones prepping and cooking supper. (Ok, I don’t want to assume there are zero dads out there who do these things…so I apologize for not giving credit where it’s due)!  But generally speaking, we are the ones who keep everything in the home organized. And so, it’s no wonder…that many mothers, just like me, struggle with shame. It’s no wonder…many mothers feel insane pressure to “get it perfect.” It’s no wonder…that the fast-paced, information-overloaded world we live in can make us focus more on the ways we come up short, instead of all the reasons we are getting it right. It’s no wonder we are a generation of mothers who feel unseen, unappreciated, and just plain exhausted. But as you will see in the pages of this book…saying good-bye to perfectionism and saying hello to God’s peace is exactly what all of us mothers need. 

Right now, we are living in a world full of screens, social media, high divorce rates, go-go-go societal norms, and a mental health crisis to boot. We are living in a microwave society, always looking for a quick fix, pill to pop, get-rich-quick scheme, or mind-numbing activity to get us through the day. The world seems to be getting darker, causing many mothers to be terrified of the future that awaits their children. Rightfully so. It’s a little crazy out there! 

But please, hear me when I say this. It’s no accident that you are a mother in the year 2025. It’s no accident your children have been born for such a time as this. You are exactly where you need to be and you are exactly what your children need! 

In this book, I want to take your hand and your heart and walk with you towards fullness and freedom in Christ. I want to encourage you through all of the hard (and beautiful!) parts of motherhood…so you can begin to embrace and enjoy all of it. The way that God intended for you. 

But before we go any further, I want you to know. This is not going to be just a fluffy, feel-good motherhood book that you read to escape your real-life. This is not going to be a book that you read and think “well, that’s great for her. But what about me?” No. This book is going to ask you to go deeper. It’s going to ask you to answer some of the hard questions about your life to dig into the “why’s” of your motherhood woes.  

“Why can I not stop comparing myself to the other moms?” 

“Why does my children’s crying trigger me and cause my heart to race and my hands to clench?” “Why do I feel so much guilt for taking time for myself?”

“Why do I feel like I’m not the woman for this job?” 

And so many more questions that I’m sure you can add! My heart’s desire for this book is for God to reveal the pieces of your heart that still need healing. That God will give you the mom-confidence you’ve been searching for and find it in Him. That through all of my crazy, real, and raw stories…you will be encouraged to stand up straight as the momma to your children and say “We were born for such a time as this.” 

Moms, we have to rise up. But the way we do that as Christ-followers is going to look different from the world. It’s not a matter of just pulling up our bootstraps and powering through to the finish line, hoping we survive. It’s not just getting back up when we get knocked down, waiting for a new day to be better. It’s not just handling our triggers with avoidance and handing our kids an Ipad because we just can’t deal. 

While all of those things will have a place in our life at times…because let’s be real, life is stinkin’ hard sometimes…we will take it a step further and rise up on the inside. We will allow God to do a deeper work in our heart. We will face our past, our fears, our traumas, and our day-to-day life through emotional healing and spiritual truth. We will run after Jesus in the street to touch his cloak just one time…knowing He is truly all we have been needing. 

And through this work…we will begin responding instead of reacting. Through this work we will see the tiny miracles we may have missed before. Through this work we can laugh and play and enjoy our children like never before. We will be inour life again, instead of feeling like we don’t have time to slow down and smell the flowers (that our children picked for us)!  

The truth that I believe all of us mothers are faced with and can recognize…is that whatever baggage we have. Whatever yuckiness we feel. Whatever “stuff” we seem to be carrying…it’s generational. We know, in some deep place in our soul…that if we don’t face it…our kids are going to have to. And we don’t want that for them. 

My hope is that you know you don’t have to do it alone. My hope is that no matter how messy, how imperfect, and how long it may take for you to get to the beautiful side of motherhood- you don’t give up. Because no matter what season you are in…the sleep-deprived newborn season, or the teenage drama season…it’s all hard and it’s all beautiful. And God is wanting to meet you in it right now. 

Let’s be real. The insecurities, the fears, the triggers, and the guilt and regret that we can feel as moms is not our children's fault. It’s not because we are just immature and need more time to “practice” motherhood. And it’s not even the world’s fault, even though it seems to try and throw everything our way that it can to make us feel like we are doing a terrible job. It’s something so much deeper than that. It’s a heart thing. Through the mouth the heart speaks…and we know it can speak both good and evil! 

No, I’m not calling you evil because you yelled at your kids today. If you picked up this book it’s because you are wanting the good to come out of your heart…not the yuck. That takes self-reflection and humility to want to do better, so you are in good company! 

That shows you are a really good mom. 

But what you need to understand is that there may be some yuck in there. Not because you are just a downright terrible person…but because you’ve gone through some stuff. You’ve walked through fire and you are still here. You’ve developed beliefs that at one time you thought were true. Now you’re not so sure. Those beliefs seem to be knocking you backward time and time again and you just feel stuck. 

And that is the good news! As Christ-followers, we have the free will to decide to change what those beliefs are that aren’t serving us and get rooted in God’s truth. We have the desire to better ourselves for the sake of our children. We have the self-awareness to see that the work God has started in us may not be fully done yet…because wow, I seriously want to pull my hair out right now while I listen to my kids fighting in the other room. 

“While we were still sinners…Christ died for us!” (Romans 5:8 NLT) Even when our hearts are clouded with darkness, even when our life feels like it’s falling apart, even when we feel like everything is wrong with us and we are failing everyone around us…we can look to the cross and see. It’s not too late. He is right here, with His hand outstretched, ready to show you what’s in your heart. Ready to show you what we need to release. Ready to give you His peace that surpasses all understanding. Ready to heal and mend and repair so that we can live the motherhood journey we’ve always wanted to live! Hallelujah! 

Each of these chapters have been a pain point of mine over the last seven years. And each one will build onto the next. So even if one of the chapters doesn't fit your struggles perfectly…just keep going. Something important that God wants to reveal to you may pop up for you as you continue on. 

I’m truly leaving it all on the table here and chatting about issues like feeling alone in motherhood, having too many toys, stress and meltdowns, and the struggles that come with having a strong-willed child. We also are going to be going deep about comparison, social media overload, and shame. And as we wrap it up, we will see how present and intentional God is as we move forward, raising these little Kingdom warriors! After all, they were His before they were ours! 

Each chapter will have a scripture to meditate on, a prayer, questions to dig deeper and even mom tips that are just fun and helpful! Things that I have picked up on and applied in my own life. Please treat this book as a journal and don’t leave anything unsaid with God as He begins to speak to you in new ways! He doesn’t need a perfect heart, just an honest one. 

Please don’t look at this book as the key that will unlock every motherhood secret known to woman…but as a lamp that can light your journey along the way. Illuminating the path of God’s best for you!

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